#036 Are You Too Hard or Too Soft on Your Teen?
Teenage girl consoling her sad upset friend
I hear parents second guess themselves saying things like, “I wasn’t hard enough on him,” or ” I was too soft on her.” And what they are really talking about is their parenting approach in regards to discipline.
The challenge about parenting is “one approach doesn’t fit all.” I have seen parents come into my private practice baffled because the first two kids sailed through the teenage years with no problems, but their third kid who now is a teenager is driving them crazy. Why is that? They are doing the same things with the third kid that they did with the first two. Why the different result?
This podcast gives you some guidelines on how to approach different types of teens, specifically the one-down and the one-up teen. The one-down teen is a little more sensitive. She is hard on herself. She has poor self esteem and lacks confidence, She often has the intelligence and the abilities, but lacks the confidence. She needs to be pulled up to feel like she is on the same level as others. This is the one-down position.
The one-up teen thinks he is better than everyone else. He has insecurities they are just more covert or hidden. Teens in a one-up position put others down because it feels good to be at the top. In other words they have to put others down to feel good about themselves. They tend to belittle, brag, bully and think they are always right. When they are in a one-up position they need to put someone else down in order to feel powerful. Bottom line When you are dealing with a teen that is in a one-up position they need to be pulled down to have good self-esteem.
You need a very different parenting approach for the one-down or one-up teen. The one-down teen can greatly benefit from the wild card of grace.