HELP: Social Media in the Summer
On May 23, 2023, the Surgeon General Issued New Advisory About the Effects Social Media Use has on Youth Mental Health. (This article is worth your read https://bit.ly/3oVocsN)
The advisory states, “Recent research shows that adolescents who spend more than three hours per day on social media face double the risk of experiencing poor mental health outcomes, such as symptoms of depression and anxiety; yet one 2021 survey of teenagers found that, on average, they spend 3.5 hours a day on social media.”
When asked if social medial was safe, “Usage of social media can become harmful depending on the amount of time children spend on the platforms, the type of content they consume or are otherwise exposed to, and the degree to which it disrupts activities that are essential for health like sleep and physical activity.”
When asked what parents and caregivers can do, “Parents and caregivers can make plans in their households such as establishing tech-free zones that better foster in-person relationships, teach kids about responsible online behavior and model that behavior, and report problematic content and activity.”
Three years ago, I was interviewing a guest on my podcast and what she said haunted me. “It used to be if your child was in her room, you could relax because you know she was safe, but that’s not the case anymore because of screens.” And this is so true, especially for our tweens and even younger. Teens are inquisitive and will go to some very dark and dangerous places just because they are curious.
Here is the setup. Parents are tired, especially moms. Teens are wiped out. It is called the lazy days of summer. Planning activities takes energy. Getting out of bed takes energy. Going to see a friend takes energy. So, if you are not intentional teens and tweens will be on their phones way longer than 3 hours. They can spend all day long and much of the night going from gaming to social media, to Facetiming to watching their favorite series and never leave their rooms except to go to the kitchen and the bathroom.
I remember when my daughter was two or three. I was desperate for some “me” time, to take a shower, get some chores done, and actually get dressed. And what was the easiest way for this to happen?
You turn on the TV and play a Disney movie or a kid’s show. And this was a good solution for an hour but you wouldn’t want your toddler in front of the TV all day long.
And you don’t want your teens to be on screens all day long. It’s not good for their mental health and it’s not safe. Because a bored teen will look for something more exciting and end up in places you would never want them to go.
You don’t want all-things-screens being your teen’s main activity for the summer.
I know working moms and stay-at-home moms are exhausted right now after a busy school year. The easy thing would be to let your teens be on their screens whenever they want because they “aren’t in school.” But the easy thing is not good for your teen.
It will take energy, intention, and planning to bridle social media use and get it under 3 hours. It takes having a hard conversation with your teen who will most likely fight back and think you’re the worst parent ever. But this is a fight worth fighting.
Here’s What You Can Do
You and your partner talk through your expectations for the summer.
If you haven’t talked to your spouse about the summer. Now is the time. You want to talk through your expectations for the summer, especially regarding your teens. If you are not on the same page your teen will use that against you. If you say you need to be off your phone by ten and Dad comes in and says he can stay on it for another hour. Then you are set up for drama. Your teen will push against you. You and your partner need to be impenetrable, a united front so that the teen can’t divide and conquer.
Structure.
If your teen has no structure to their day, then you need to create one. Again, their default will be on screens 24/7. The structure can include…
- Exercise
- Sleep
- Downtime
- Screen time
- Fun
- Positive adventures
- Face-to-face with friends
- Learning a new skill
- Chores
- Developing creativity
- Volunteering
- Taking a class
- Tech free zones
Plan in-person and real-world activities.
Extroverted teens are usually pretty good at connecting with their friends in the real world like going over to each other’s houses, meeting at the pool, or going to get something to eat. But kids who are in the middle to more introverted may need some prompting. It may feel awkward to ask someone over, play basketball or go to a movie. You can say, “Why don’t you call Burton, or Travis and see if they want to come over?” And if he says, “That’s weird.” That’s code for that feels awkward. And you can tell him, it may feel weird but all you need to do is text them. You may have a few awkward moments but after that, you will have a whole day of fun.”
What’s sad is that kids are so dependent on social media that they really draw a blank about what to do in the real world. If they look clueless, ask them to make a list of 25 things they could do in the offline world.
This will only work if you are firm at limiting their screen time. If they can’t get on their screens their boredom turns to creativity. They pick up the guitar that was collecting dust in the corner of the room. They tell you they want to bake a cake or go hit golf balls.
Morning and evening.
You want to be on the same page with your partner about mornings and evenings. It’s very easy for the unscheduled and unstructured teen to stay up later and later till they are up all night and sleep all day. That’s not good for so many reasons. They are unsupervised and are gaming or on their screens all night. The sleep experts recommend that your teen stay up no more than two hours later than their school schedule. If they go to bed at 10 on the weekdays, they go to bed no later than midnight on the weekdays.
Have a conversation with your teen.
Many moms are afraid to bring up anything about the phone or social media because the teen will get too mad. My suggestion is that you put more of your attention on why you are setting this limit ie protecting your son or daughter vs. your attention on your teen’s anger. When you and your spouse are on the same page this conversation will be a lot easier than you think. Being on the same page is that both of you are 100% clear this is the right thing to do. Your teen will push back but when they sense both of you are absolutely clear they will back down.
Your teens will probably sense this as a punishment. “Why are you trying to ruin my summer.” You can say I know that feels this way, but really, I want you to have an amazing summer.” Then you want to back it up. “If you want me to drive you and your friends down to the coast, I’d be glad to do that.” “I’d be glad to pay for some drum lessons this summer if you want to pursue that.”
If you are struggling this summer and need some extra support. I have a few openings for Mom Coaching. Just hit reply and tell me you are interested.