Happy Freedom Day!
The fourth of July is a day to celebrate our country’s freedom.
How about you? Do you need a little freedom?
How about a little emotional freedom, especially when it comes to your daughter’s drama?
Your daughter can be happy, angry, sad, stressed, and hyper in a five minute span. If your mood is dependent on your daughter’s mood; you are going to be in big trouble.
You can be happy even if your daughter is in a bad mood.
“How can I be happy if my daughters not happy? That’s impossible.”
It is very possible, but you need to wise up to some of the challenges.
1. You get hooked in her stuff.
When your daughter is angry, upset, or bored she will try to drag you into it. She will try to hook you in her drama and she’s really good at it too. She’ll say the perfect thing to drive you crazy like, “Mom you are the worst mom. You don’t care for me.” Or “You don’t do anything for me.”
It’s easy for her little jabs to ruin your day. You’re furious and you start replaying in your head the one million things you have done for her in the past 24 hours. It’s impossible to be happy when you are obsessing and offended.
2. You feel, “I can’t be happy if she’s not happy.”
Mothers and daughters have this amazing connection. You are completely tuned into your daughter. You know how she is feeling before she even opens the door. You hear it in the tone of the voice. You can even tell how she is doing in a one word text. You think, “She’s having a bad day.” “What’s going on with her friends?” “What happened at school?” Being tuned in can be extremely helpful but it is not helpful if you can never tune out.
Her emotions are going to go up and down. She is going to have bad days. In one day she can be happy and sad 50 times. If you haven’t learned the skill of tuning out, you have just strapped yourself into an emotional roller coaster with her and it’s not going to be a very fun ride.
If every time her mood dips you worry about how she is now and how she is going to be in the future, you will worry your happiness away.
How to Claim your Emotional Freedom
It’s crucial to your happiness to claim your “emotional’ freedom from your daughter. By this I mean the ability to tune out and detach from your daughters drama and emotional roller coaster.
1. How to unhook from her drama
- Know it’s not personal. It feels personal but she is hard-wired for drama. Pick up your emotional shield and remember there could be a million reasons that her mood has plummeted. She may be tired. Someone put her down at school. Her hormones are flaring or it’s her undeveloped prefrontal cortex.
- Take a break. Do something to distract you from the drama. Get out of the house and do something for you. Take a walk. Call a friend. Go shopping. Have a quiet time.
- Get Clear. Get some space and reflect. What’s going on with my daughter? Is there something I need to do? Does she need a consequence? What are my limits?
- Take responsibility for your emotions. Your daughter is not responsible for your emotions, you are. Only when you take 100% responsibility for your emotions can you be happy.
You can be happy even if she is not happy.
Remember her moods go up and down. This is normal for teenagers. This doesn’t mean that your emotions have to go up and down with hers.
You are not helping your daughter if you are unhappy.
She will pick up on your unhappiness like you have picked up on hers. Your unhappiness feeds her unhappiness. It is a downward cycle.
You are not responsible for her emotions. You can’t make her be happy. But if you want to help your daughter, do things that make you feel good.
Take care of your physical self. Get enough rest and sleep.
Show her life can be enjoyed. Find things that you like to do. Commit to doing one thing this week that you really enjoy. When you love your life it benefits your daughter. Your good mood can help lift her mood. You set an example for your daughter.
Believe it or not your daughter really wants you to be happy.
Take a day, week or year and celebrate, Happy Freedom Day!