Motherhood Is More Than One Season
How many of you feel like parenting a tween or teen is hard?
The day-to-day can feel exhausting. Sometimes this season of parenting feels like it will never end. That feeling – like the drama and chaos will never let up – can be so disheartening.
This is why having a long-term perspective is so important. Parenting isn’t just one season. Hopefully, you’ll share many seasons with your son or daughter. And each season is different. Some are easier. Some are more enjoyable. And some–like the teen years–are stacked with challenges.
Teens have developing brains. They can be emotionally impulsive. They’re under stress. And they’re wired to push toward independence.
But here’s the truth: much of the tension you feel right now will pass as they grow into young adults.
One of my podcast guests, Sandra Stanley, talks about “parenting with the relationship in mind.” In other words, even when things feel combative, you want to protect the connection – so you can enjoy all the future seasons together.
Because there’s a sobering reality: about 25% of young adults become estranged from a parent. And none of us wants that.
My mom lived to be 93, and we were blessed to share many seasons together. I used to joke that she lived long enough for me to work through all my issues.
The mom of my childhood felt perfect – beautiful, confident, cultured, intelligent. There was a right way to do everything. I, on the other hand, was a little ADD and didn’t always get things right. She was fiery. I was sensitive.
And yet, she created a beautiful home with my dad and sister. We had epic family vacations – full of stories that we told and retold for decades.
Now, the teen years? I definitely gave my mom gray hair. I dated boys that made her cringe (and honestly, make me cringe now too). I pushed limits. I shut her out. I don’t think either of us had much fun during that season.
But even in the tension, there were touchpoints that kept us connected. For us, it was Sunday dinner. My mom would pull out the tablecloth, the china, the crystal – and make a full meal, always with a fresh-baked pie. Those Sunday dinners became an anchor… and they continued well into my adult life.
Things shifted when I left for college. It turns out, my mom was a wonderful mom to a young adult. I no longer avoided her–I wanted to be with her. We became friends.
We did all the things she probably hoped we’d do in high school – shopping, lunches, art museums, even conferences together.
And when I had a family of my own, she respected my boundaries. She didn’t give unsolicited advice – and now I realize how hard that must have been.
Then came another season.
I watched my strong, vibrant parents lose their independence. My dad passed away in 2018 from Alzheimer’s. My mom began her own journey with dementia.
She couldn’t make Sunday dinners anymore, so I brought lunch to her. I’d bring my dog Lilly, and we’d sit on the back porch, watching the golfers go by.
Even as she lost her memory – and eventually her words – our hearts stayed connected.
She passed three weeks ago. It was peaceful. It was loving.
And I am so grateful for all the years we shared.
I have no regrets.
Your teen will not be the same person in 5, 10, or 15 years.
Another season is coming.
And there is so much to look forward to.
It’s going to be a wild – and wonderful – ride.