Is Your Home a Pressure Cooker?
If so, how do you want this year to be different?
The problem is we don’t give ourselves time to ask ourselves this question or come up with the answers. Most of us never take the next step, which is developing a strategy.
So what do most of us do?
If you don’t have a plan you react. And when you keep reacting, something happens deep inside you.
You stop enjoying your life. You go on autopilot but you kind of feel emotionally flat.
Here’s another question to ask yourself?
Are you looking forward to this year or dreading it?
When you don’t have a plan, it’s easy to fall into a state of “dread.”
- You think of how grouchy your daughter is in the mornings when you try to wake her up for school?
- You think of her blowing off her schoolwork.
- You remember the arguments over ridiculous things like taking the dishes out of her room and putting them into the sink.
- You anticipate all the drama around setting limits with her friends and boyfriend.
- You are exhausted thinking about all the shuttling you’re going to do every day.
- You dread your daughter being so busy and gone all the time.
Here’s a secret.
If you are not intentional about what you want, you are going to default into what you don’t want.
6 Ways to Create the Year You Want
1. Write down everything you dread and turn it around and write what you do want.
Here are some examples:
I dread always reminding her to do her homework and it turning into a big argument.
I want her to take responsibility for her homework.
I dread all the drama with her friends.
I want her to be at peace with her friends.
2. Expect this year to be different
Start turning things around by expecting what you want. It’s easy to expect the negative experiences, because of your past experience. The result of this is that you give up on your hopes and expectations that things could be different. It feels realistic to think there is always going to be a struggle with homework or she is always going to be a drama queen. It’s also realistic that things could change this year.
If you believed things could change, what would you want?
Example: I want to trust my daughter would get her homework done. I want to have a better relationship with my daughter. I want there to be peace in the home.
3. Write “My Dream Year” and have fun
What I would like you to do is pretend that it is May 2014. You are writing a letter to a dear friend and telling her what a wonderful year you have had with your daughter. Or this could be your Christmas newsletter where you brag about your daughter. Again have fun with this. Hopefully by now you are clearer about what you want for the next year.
Example: Dear Jane, (my best friend) this has been the best year ever. I have really enjoyed my time with Sara my 15 year old daughter. She has really grown up. Somewhere in September she decided that she wanted good grades. I don’t have to nag her every night to do her homework. I walk into the kitchen and she shows me her completed homework and her high scores on her tests.
I am so happy for Sara. She has a whole new set of friends. She is not hanging out with the party kids anymore. Sara is especially close to her bff Jill. I love Jill. She comes over to the house all the time. Jill is calm, and is a brilliant girl. Sara is in a good mood around Jill, and because of her, Sara is trying harder in school.
Write details. This will help you believe it.
Read it and imagine that is true. Enjoy the good feelings.
4. Write a prayer for your daughter
Many times are prayers for our daughters are focused on keeping them from disaster.
God help her not die on the road. Don’t let her get pregnant. Help her not fail out of school. Please don’t let her get a tattoo of her boyfriend’s name.
Write a prayer similar to the “Dream Year”.
Thank you God that Sara is responsible. Thank you that she has figured out she is smart and therefore she is working hard. Thank you that she has learned to calm down and not lose it over little things. Thank you that Sara and I have a close relationship and I enjoy her so much.
5. Identify where you need help
Many of you know what you want but you don’t know how to get there. First of all identify where you are and where you need help.
- I don’t know how to talk to my daughter about homework.
- My daughter has a hot temper. I don’t know how to handle that.
- I don’t feel close to my daughter but I want too.
- I want reassurance I am doing the right thing.
- I obsess about my daughter all the time.
- I want more peace in the home and I don’t know what to do about it.
- How do I help my daughter have a good future?
6. Get Support
So many mothers feel isolated. You are trying to do the right thing but you question yourself.
You don’t have to do it alone. You can build a team of support around you and your daughter.