Projects, Papers, and Finals—Oh MY: 5 Tips That Will Help!
Summer is around the corner but first you have to get through projects, papers, finals–oh my. This is not only challenging for your daughter but it is challenging for you because your daughter is stressed.
Stress is contagious and if you are not intentional you will be pulled “down down down into the ring of fire.”
5 Tips that Will Help
1. Don’t take it personal
The end of the year is stressful for your daughter. You need to keep remembering this throughout the next few weeks.
You know when her deadlines and when her hardest finals are. Because of this you can anticipate when your daughter is going to be super stressed out. It’s easy to forget this.
You ask your daughter to complete an application for this summer and she goes off on you.
You are at a fork in the road.
a. If you remember this is ‘stressed out girl’, you won’t take it personally.
You can simply text her to fill out the application and avoid the drama.
b. If you take it personally you pile stress on top of her stress.
You start obsessing about how rude she is and all the times that she has disrespected you. You decide this is it. You are not putting up with that kind of attitude ever again. You think if I don’t deal with this now, no one ever will marry her.
With all this mental ammunition you lay into her like a machine gun with lots of empty threats. Then here is the crazy part. You expect her to say “thanks mom. I needed that.” It’s not going to happen. ‘Stressed out girl’ will go ballistic and good chances so will you.
2. Decide how you want to show up
When you anticipate stressful times, it helps you not react. You have a choice.
Who do I want to be in this situation? How do I want to show up?
I want to be calm, clear, playful, and strong.
Even if your daughter is a 10 on the stress scale you don’t have to react. You can control how she affects you by deciding who you are going to be.
This would be a good time to set an intention.
I intend to stay calm, clear, playful and strong through the end of school. (No matter how my daughter behaves.)
This way she can take her cues from you. You will help her relax if you stay relaxed.
3. Give her space and grace
If your daughter is stressed she needs space. This is not the time for you to ask her a million questions. Each question you ask or suggestion you give amps up her stress level.
Sometimes facebook and You Tube are helpful. (She just needs a time limit) It is physically impossible for your daughter to be productive if she is stressed.
She needs to find ways to calm down so she can focus and be productive.
“She is not going to pass her finals if she doesn’t study. I’ve got to talk to her.”
I agree but timing is everything. If your daughter is stressed, the first step is to calm down. If you try to talk with her when she is stressed she will not hear you. The only thing that will come from this is drama. Wait and you will get better results.
Text her, If you really need to talk with her. It keeps both of you focused on the request.
4. Give advice when she is relaxed
Take her to buy donuts or get a Starbucks. Play with the cat or dog. Do something relaxing with your daughter. This is the best possible time to talk.
Ask her, “how it’s going?” See if she will tell you how she is feeling about school. The important thing is to engage her in the conversation so she doesn’t feel you are just lecturing her. After she has told you her plans then it’s your turn.
Compliment her on what she is doing well and then make your suggestions.
5. Take care of you
Not only is this a stressful time for your daughter, it’s a stressful time for you. It’s easy to be so tuned in to your daughter that the rest of your life gets neglected. What do you need right now? What part of your life needs a little attention?
In the second week of June I am going to launch my Summer School for Moms. It’s all about taking real good care of you–and your daughter will benefit. Stay tuned.