The Power Struggle: “She won’t listen or do what I say”
Here’s the hard part for moms.
In your head it’s super clear. You need her to clean her room. That’s not asking too much. It’s the least she can do.
You are having guests over and you are cleaning the rest of the house, plus making dinner etc.
You’ve done everything right. You’ve let her known ahead of time. You have reminded her several times. One time she texted you back and said “okay.”
And now it’s the day before and she hasn’t even touched her room. You have given her a deadline to have it done by that night.
Now it’s 5pm and she’s with her friends. You start obsessing when is she going to get it done.
In your mind you start reflecting back on how many things you’ve done for her just in the past week. You can’t believe that she won’t do this one small thing for you. You think she is the most selfish person in the world. You didn’t raise her to be that way.
You wake up the morning of your dinner party and she still hasn’t done anything to clean her room.
You remind her again and then she explodes and tells you she is counting the days till she’s getting out of this house with a few curse words thrown in.
She tells you that she has a lot going on and has more important things that she needs to get done…this does not include cleaning her room.
What’s your next move?
- Do you threaten?
- Do you ground her?
- Do you give up and clean her room?
- Do you yell louder than her?
- Do you go in the next room and cry?
- Do you buy a one way ticket to a tropical island?
The Power Struggle
It’s so easy to get into a power struggle with your daughter.
Here’s why power struggles aren’t effective:
- It is a battle of wills.
- Someone has to win and someone has to lose.
- Frequently it escalates and gets out of control.
- You lose sight of the big picture.
- You don’t see the other person in their context.
- It creates hostility, resentment or hurts the other person.
- It damages the relationship.
- It builds a wall between two people
- It does not teach or instruct in the long run.
Bottom line being in a perpetual power struggle with your daughter is absolutely miserable and exhausting.
This is why moms say things like, “I hope to survive the teenage years.”
There is another way.
It comes back to having a solid authentic positive connection with your daughter.
And there’s more.
You need to understand what’s going on developmentally with your teenage daughter to accurately create a proactive parenting strategy.
Your parenting strategy will save you a ton of grief, and can protect your relationship with your daughter.
A parenting strategy means that you know your next parenting move and you’re not dependent on what your daughter’s next move is.
My Power Your Parenting program is starting next Monday April 13.th This is for a small group of moms who are tired of being in the power struggle with their daughters.
If you are ready to reconnect with your daughter, create your parenting strategy, and recreate a life you love. Then hit reply and tell me I’m ready and I want to know more.
It’s starting to fill up. You need to act now.