A Mother’s Intuition
Do you believe in a mother’s intuition?
If you do believe in this intuition, do you act on it?
This week I have talked to several confused and distraught mothers. Though each situation was different they had one common denominator. These mothers dismissed their intuition and trusted others opinions over their own. Because of this things weren’t going well with their families. These mothers were paying a high price for doubting their intuition.
I believe that mothers have this intuition or knowing.
1. You Know When Something’s Not Right…
A. With Yourself
Your body doesn’t lie. You may have stress headaches. Your body is tense. You just don’t feel good. You feel anxious, sad, and blah. You definitely don’t feel happy, or grateful. Or you are feeling very, very tired and it’s hard to get anything done during the day. You think, “I just don’t feel like myself.”
You know when something is not right with you, and the more you ignore it, the worse you feel.
B. With Your Daughter
You are an expert on your daughter. You have been keenly aware of her every move since she started kicking around in your stomach. You have been a keen observer of her from her earliest cry to her teenage breakdown. No one knows better than you all the nuances of her behavior from her tone of voice, how she enters a room and what she says or doesn’t say.
You know when your daughter is happy and thriving and you know when something is off. You know when the story is not adding up. You know when she is starting to sink and needs some extra support. You know.
C. With Your Family
You know when everyone is getting along and your home is the place where everyone wants to hang out.
You know when the atmosphere of your home is one of tension, frustration and stress. You see how a sharp word from your partner, your oldest or even you starts a series of reactions that ends up with yelling, slamming doors and threatening words. You know the damage of careless words. Loving connections gets replaced with strained interactions or walls of silence and you know something is not right.
2. You Know When You Need Help
You know something is not right. You see the big picture and all the moving pieces. You have tried everything you can think of. You can’t do one more thing because you are spread too thin.
You know you need help.
So what stops you?
Often you are too busy to get help. It takes time to step back and strategize. It can feel too overwhelming to look for help. You think to yourself, “Where would I even start?” So you push it aside and keep slugging through your life.
But down deep you know you still need help.
3. You Know, And Then You Doubt That You Know
A. Labor Pains
Most of you remember the joys of labor pains. What a crazy experience. First you have intense pain from the contractions and then nothing. A few minutes later the sharp pain of the contraction comes back.
Our lives can be like that. You can have a terrible fight and it’s like the sharp pain of the contraction. You are ready to take action. But the next week things are a lot better and because there is no pain you doubt yourself. You think, “Maybe things are ok.” The problem is nothing really changed. It is only a matter of time before the sharp pain will cycle around again.
B. You Listen To Everyone But Yourself.
You are clear things aren’t right and you need help and then you talk it over to your husband or partner. He thinks you are making a big deal out of nothing. He says it will get better. You end up feeling dismissed, crazy or somehow it’s your fault.
Then you muster up some courage and say I really do need help I can’t do it all by myself. I need some support. Then he says, “How much will that cost? We don’t need to spend the money on this.”
This feels terrible. You know something is not right and you need help but now you feel betrayed, misunderstood and dismissed. You wonder what’s wrong with you.
There is nothing wrong with you. You know you need help.
4. How Do You Know?
A. Trust Your Intuition
This comes from tuning back into you and listening to your body, heart and deep wisdom.
Listen to your body. Are you at peace? Or is your body telling you that something is not right.
Listen to your heart. Is your intuition coming from a loving place? Do you want the best for you, your daughter and your family?
Listen to your deep wisdom. This may have come after a time of prayer or meditation.
B. Write Down What You Know
Start with writing what you want and what you don’t want.
- I want to feel like myself again. I am tired of always being overwhelmed.
- I want a better relationship with my daughter. I am sick of getting hooked in all her drama.
- I want my home to be a place where everyone treats the other with respect. I want the fighting to stop.
Where do you need help? You don’t have to have everything figured out by yourself. Do you need clarity or validation? Do you need a mentor to help guide you? Do you need to get some things off your plate? Do you need support with your daughter?
What is the cost to your family if you don’t act on what you know?
C. Ask A Couple Of People You Trust And Resonate With
Talk to your friends who get you and understand. Share your heart with them. Sometimes the people closest to us can’t hear us because they are too invested in their own agenda.
D. Talking To Your Partner
I have seen some very predictable patterns between men and women after working with couples over 20 years. You share your feelings with your husband and he answers you with the bottom line or he gets in ‘fix it’ mode. He doesn’t want to spend extra money and he doesn’t want any more problems. He can’t see it from your perspective. You feel like he doesn’t understand and doesn’t care. This can turn into long drawn out arguments or you start avoiding him.
Speak to his bottom line. You are tired of me getting on your case. If I get some help I will be off your case. In fact I will feel like myself again.
Connect the dots. When I take care of myself, I will be happy and in a good mood. I will enjoy the kids. I will also have more energy to go out and do things. I will be attracted to you again.
You are not threatening him. You are telling him the truth and he benefits.
Speak to the big picture. I want to make sure that I have the best relationship possible with my daughter. These years are crucial. Research has shown that having a good relationship with at least one parent is a good predictor of lifetime success. I want to make sure you and I are doing everything possible for this to happen. Yes I am investing money but you can’t put a dollar sign on the value of having a healthy relationship with my daughter.
Take the first step. Don’t get caught up in trying to figure out every little detail. Just take the first step. What is the smallest step you can take?