“I Believe in You”
Its one thing to believe in your beautiful baby girl cooing in your arms but it’s another thing to believe in your angry teenage girl who just threw the F-bomb at you.
Your ‘belief’ in your daughter will get tested in the teenage years.
Here is an important question to ask yourself.
“What do you believe about your daughter today?”
It’s easy to believe in your daughter when she is perfect. But there’s a good chance your teenage daughter is going to frustrate and disappoint you. Frequently she will act in a way that is in complete opposition of what you believe.
And when this happens FEAR hijacks your belief.
- Your daughter lies to you—who is she going to turn into?
- Your daughter grades start to drop—will she get into a good college?
- Your daughter tells you she hates you— will we ever have a good relationship again?
- Your daughter cuts on herself—is she going to turn out ok?
FEAR has a way of taking over your thoughts. You obsess over the thing that you are afraid of. If you are afraid she is going to turn into a liar. You see her through that lens. “Is she telling me the truth or is she lying again?”
You start to see her essence as a “LIAR.”
It’s important to know where you are on the ‘believing’ scale. Some of you may be so worn out by your daughter; you have given up believing in her. Your attitude is “she will have to learn things the hard way.”
Most of us get caught in between belief and fear.
We believe in her but then we fear it won’t happen.
Your daughter picks up on your fear it comes out in the way you speak and act towards her. In fact FEAR causes a lot of drama.
Though it is challenging in the teenage years, it’s still true, your daughter needs you to believe in her.
5 Ways to Restore Your Belief in Your Daughter
1. It starts with you
Despite how your daughter acts, she needs you to believe in her. You are very influential in her life, even when she acts like she doesn’t care. I can’t tell you how many girls I’ve seen in my practice give up on their life because their moms have given up on them.
Remember you have a long term perspective and she is a work in progress.
2. It’s not about perfection
Your daughter is hard wired for drama with raging hormones, undeveloped prefrontal cortex and a lack of formal thinking.
There is no way she is going to be perfect.
She will make mistakes. It’s important to remember her worst behavior does not determine who she is going to be in the future.
3. Letting go of your beliefs
Sometimes you have to let go of who you believe your daughter should be.
- You want your daughter to be social and active at school and she likes to hang out with a few friends
- You want your daughter to play piano and your daughter wants to play sports.
- You want your daughter to go to a private college and she wants to go to a state school.
4. Believing in your daughter starts with truly seeing her.
You see her imperfections and mistakes. You realize that many gifts come from imperfections such as humility, compassion, forgiveness, authenticity and clarity.
But you also see her bigness. You see her true essence.
You choose to see her beauty, playfulness, wisdom, and giftedness.
Remember how you felt when they first placed your precious baby in your arms. You knew she was a miracle from God. Despite her behavior your teenage daughter is still a miracle.
Sometimes this amazing treasure gets buried under attitudes, angry words and F-bombs but your daughter is still a treasure.
Go on a treasure hunt this week and rediscover the treasure buried in your daughter.