What do you want for this school year?
When you think about starting a new school year does your mind recall all the struggles from last year?
You think of how grouchy your daughter is in the mornings when you try to wake her up for school? You think of her blowing off her school work. You remember the arguments over ridiculous things like taking the dishes out of her room and putting them into the sink. Maybe you just think of how much drama there is going to be with you, her friends and boyfriend. You are exhausted thinking about all the shuttling you’re going to do every day. Or maybe you just dread that she is going to be walled off in her room or be so busy that she is gone all the time.
Here’s a secret.
If you are not intentional about what you want your thoughts will go straight to the struggle.
6 Ways to Get Clear this School Year
1. Write down everything you dread and turn it around
Here are some examples:
I dread always reminding her to do her homework and it turning into a big argument.
I dread all the drama with her friends.
I want her to be at peace with her friends.
2. Expect this year to be different
If you expect this year is going to be the same as last year. It probably will be. The problem is you give up on your hopes and expectations that things could be different. This is because of your past experience. Using the prior examples, you think there is always going to be a struggle with homework or she is always going to be a drama queen. You don’t allow yourself the gift to think it could change.
So think of it this way. If you knew it could change what would you want?
Example: I want to trust my daughter would get her homework done. I want to have a better relationship with my daughter. I want there to be peace in the home.
3. Write “My Dream Year” and have fun
What I would like you to do is pretend that it is May 2012. You are writing a letter to a dear friend and telling her what a wonderful year you have had with your daughter. Or this could be your Christmas news letter where you brag about your daughter. Again have fun with this. Hopefully by now you are clearer about what you want for the next year.
Example: Dear Jane, (my best friend) this has been the best year ever. I have really enjoyed my time with Sara my 15 year old daughter. She has really grown up. Somewhere in September she decided that she wants to have good grades. I don’t have to nag her every night to do her homework. I would walk into the kitchen and she would volunteer and tell me the homework she had completed. She would proudly hand me papers and tests to show me her good grades.
I am so happy for Sara. She has a whole new set of friends. She is not hanging out with the party kids anymore. Sara is especially close to her bff Jill. I love Jill she comes over to the house all the time. Jill is calm and is a brilliant girl. Sara is in a good mood around Jill and because of her, Sara is trying harder in school.
Write details. This will help you believe it.
Read it and imagine that is true. Enjoy the good feelings.
4. Write a prayer for your daughter
Many times are prayers for our daughters are focused on keeping them from disaster.
God help her not die on the road. Don’t let her get pregnant. Help her not fail out of school. Please don’t let her get a tattoo.
Write a prayer similar to the “Dream Year”.
Thank you God that Sara is responsible. Thank you that she has figured out she is smart and therefore she is working hard. Thank you that she has learned to calm herself down and not lose it over little things. Thank you that Sara and I have the best relationship that we have ever had and I enjoy her so much.
5. Identify where you need help
Many of you know what you want but you don’t know how to get there. First of all identify where you are and where you need help.
* I don’t know how to talk to my daughter about homework.
* My daughter has a hot temper. I don’t know how to handle that.
* I don’t feel close to my daughter but I want too.
* I want reassurance I am doing the right thing.
* I obsess about my daughter all the time.
* I want more peace in the home and I don’t know what to do about it.
* How do I help my daughter have a good future?
6. Get Support
So many mothers feel isolated. You are trying to do the right thing but you question yourself.
You don’t have to do it alone.
You can build a team of support around you and your daughter.
That is why I created my Power Your Parenting program. It is designed to give you support every day for 7 weeks and connect you with like-minded moms who want the best for their daughters. I will be starting the program again towards the end of September or beginning of October. I will keep you updated.
In the meantime you can join my community of awesome moms on my Facebook Page at
Don’t settle for just trying to ‘make it’ through the year. Expect this to be the best year you have ever had with your daughter.