Make This Summer Count

Make This Summer Count

What are you hoping for this summer?

Time to rest. A good vacation. Less stress.

Believe me – your daughter is hoping for something different.

How old is your daughter?

Now think of yourself at her age. (I know it’s scary.)

What did you love about the summer?

My daughter is 15… What I remember about being 15 is that I loved to sleep in and not have to deal with school. I loved chilling out and hanging with my friends. I lived at the pool and loved going to the beach.

How about you? Travel back in time to when you were your daughter’s age. What did you like to do? Can you recall any summer romances? What were your best times?

A few decades later, it’s completely different. You have different expectations. You look forward to the summer for different reasons. You may sleep in a little, but you can’t stop your ‘home’ work or other work. You don’t have the luxury to chill and hang at the pool with your friends.

Still the summer give us a break. There is less pressure around time and schedules. You don’t have to herd your daughter all over town. Because there is less stress the drama meter goes down.

Make This Summer Count

Summer offers us a slower pace. Amazing things can happen when life slows down.

But you don’t want your daughter to be a 100% couch potato. If she gets to bored she will create her own excitement.

The challenge is to find a balance of downtime and structured activities.

Take Advantage of Downtime

Believe it or not, your daughter doesn’t want to be on the sofa 24/7. She is there because she is completely bored.

Use this downtime as an opportunity to hang out with your daughter and get her off the couch.

How does your daughter define downtime?

Downtime is hanging out with nothing planned and being spontaneous. You don’t have to do anything unless you want to. But you are interacting and you are entertained. I know it doesn’t make since to an adult but think like a teenager.

Downtime is not the time to clean out her closet.

Though downtime doesn’t look like it’s being productive, you are being productive in a much more significant way. You are creating an environment that brings out your relaxed self and your daughters relaxed self. This allows for playfulness and humor to flourish.

The result is that you are building a positive experience with your daughter.

However moms miss this opportunity. Frequently we feel ‘hanging out’ is a waste of time.

But downtime is good for you too. When you are busy, downtime seems like a luxury you can’t afford. If you’re honest you are a little resentful of those who have time to just ‘hang out.’

Hanging out is not a luxury. It is essential and can do miracles for your relationship. Because of this I believe it is the best investment of your time and it costs a lot less than an expensive vacation.

This is your challenge. Your daughter will approach you at an inconvenient time and you can see it as an opportunity or a nuisance.

Here is what it looks like in my life. It is almost 10 pm and I am sitting in a chair and I’m getting some work done on the computer. My daughter who was busy 30 minutes before plops on my bed and starts talking nonstop.

I have a choice. I can see this as an opportunity to Invest Time That Counts or blow her off.

Here is what’s hard. In that moment my automatic ‘get it done’ self wants to finish the email and tell her to go clean her room and do the dishes.

But my deeper self sees the opportunity. This is the moment to connect with her. I don’t have that many more years before she goes to college.

When I let myself relax and let go of my ‘urgent’ work, I start to see what is truly important. I see the gift of my daughter when I am not preoccupied. I see her reaching out to me in her language. It’s all about relationship and my work can wait.

When I choose to close the computer something shifts inside of me. I really enjoy her. She is hilarious. Even though I have to pass through several decades, I still can find my inner playful 15 year old. This doesn’t mean I’ve abandoned my mother job, but ‘hanging out’ is the foundation for connection. These silly, relaxed moments help build a secure attachment with my daughter.

You need these times. The stress will come and so will the conflict. But summer offers a respite from the stressful school year.

Make your summer count. Look for the daily opportunities this summer to hang out with your daughter.