6 Reasons you give up on the life you hope for and what YOU can do about it
You wish things would change and get better but you think it’s unrealistic. You think “life works out for other people but not for me.” No matter what you tell yourself, you still long for things to be different.
I have seen thousands of clients experience miracles of transformation in the past 20 years.
But I also have seen plenty of people just give up and walk away. This breaks my heart because I know they were so close to having the life they longed for.
There are lots of reasons you give up on the life you want. But don’t let these reasons stop you.
6 Reasons you give up on the life you hope for and what YOU can do about it
1. You’re too busy
If you are too busy you lose touch with yourself. You forget about what you really want. You just find yourself irritated at everything. You have this vague feeling that something is wrong, so you drink one too many glasses of wine or eat way too much ice cream. (In Texas we eat way too many chips and salsa.) You walk through your day like a zombie and you can’t remember the last time you really felt like yourself.
What you can do
* Remember what you want.
Take 30 minutes and write down what you want for you and your family. (This can be hard. I asked a mom to do this last night and her eyes filled up with tears. All she could think about was how her family frustrated her. )
If you’re not sure what you want, then write down things that you don’t want. Then rewrite it to say what you do want.
Example: I don’t want to be in a battle with my daughter for every little thing.
I want to have a peaceful and loving relationship with my daughter.
2. You keep doing the same things
If you keep doing the same things you will get the same results. Too often we live our lives on automatic pilot doing the same old thing. That’s fine if it’s working for you, but too often our automatic thoughts and patterns don’t work for us. It sets us up to be reactive. When we live life in reaction we feel like someone else is driving our life. This is a huge source of resentment for moms.
When you are living in reaction the truest and deepest part of you is asleep at the wheel. You will never reach your hearts destination.
What you can do
* Do something different. If you change your thoughts and actions, things have to change.
You can start small. What do you do when you wake up in the morning? If you start your day checking your phone or email then someone else is in control of your day. You find yourself reacting to texts.
* Reconnect with your heart and soul.
Try being still. Take time for inspirational reading, meditation or prayer. Do it as an experiment. See how you feel at the end of the day.
*Get support
Some thoughts and patterns have been ingrained in you for a long time. This is where a mentor, therapist or life coach can be helpful. They can help you identify thoughts and patterns that aren’t working for you. I am so grateful for my mentor. Because of her I have been able to get past barriers and see significant changes in my life.
3. You want instant change
You want instant change. This is the ‘New Year’s Resolution’ syndrome. I want to lose 30 pounds today and if you don’t? You give up. You get cynical. You hate those skinny people. You believe things can’t change.
What you can do
See ‘changing your life’ as a journey (or process) and not a destination.
It does take time to change habits and patterns. You can’t jump from 24 hour battle to 24 hour bliss with your daughter. On paper you know things can’t change overnight but our hearts get easily discouraged.
Notice the little changes. The little changes give you hope that the big change is coming.
Little changes: You drove to school and you didn’t get into an argument. You had 20 minutes where you and your daughter were laughing about the cat.
This is huge. Most of the time change happens in small increments. When you notice the small changes it reassures you that you are going in the right direction.
4. You look for evidence that things won’t change
If you look for reasons that things won’t change, you will find plenty of evidence. You remember every battle with your daughter and every disappointment and rehearse it in your mind over and over again. You dig your heels in and say to yourself that you are being realistic. “This is the way things have been and they always will be.”
But wouldn’t it be wonderful if you were wrong and things could change.
Be careful that you don’t put all your energy into being right instead of being happy.
What you can do
*Look for evidence that things can change.
There is plenty of evidence. But you have to let go of a lot of things. You have to let go of being right. You have to let go of doing it the way you have always done it.
But the payoff is huge. You get what you really want.
5. Doing it alone
So many moms feel alone. The weight of parenting is all on your shoulders. You feel overwhelmed because everyone in your family dumps their extras on your already overflowing plate.
Because of this so many moms are overwhelmed. When you are in overwhelm, ‘change’ just sounds like one more thing heaped on your overcrowded plate. When you hear change you hear more work.
What you can do
*get connected
Feeling alone is a setup for discouragement and shame. It’s so helpful to connect with other mothers who understand so you don’t feel like you are crazy. Call a fellow mom and ask her to go get coffee.
*get help
Part of the needed change for you is that you get some help so you aren’t overwhelmed and you can start taking time for you again. It’s too much. You need support and encouragement. You weren’t supposed to do it alone.
6. You don’t invest in yourself
Why is it that you will make sure your daughter goes to all her doctor appointments but you can’t remember the last time you went to the dentist? You shuttle your daughter all over town so she gets what she needs for soccer, band or dance. You make sure your daughter doesn’t miss out on an opportunity. But you don’t invest in your own creativity, health or well being. How many opportunities have you missed?
If you don’t invest in your life, it is impossible for you to enjoy it.
What you can do
* Invest in you.
Invest in your body, heart, mind and spirit.
“But that’s selfish.”
Actually it is a gift to your family. Investing in you blesses everyone around you. You know the saying, “if mamas happy, everyone’s happy.” Actually I think the saying is, “if mama’s not happy nobody’s happy.” But you get my point.
My Power Your Parenting program is starting October 3rd. I have designed it for busy moms. I have incorporated all the elements you need to see real change. You get daily support for 7 weeks and practical steps to create the life you want for you and your daughter. Contact me at Colleen@poweryourparenting.com
Don’t give up on the life you hope for!
Best to you,
Colleen