“You WILL do what I say”
Every mother has said these words or thought these words. “You WILL do what I say!”
You ask your daughter to study for a test or clean her room. You think it is a simple request. It should take 30 minutes at the most. She sees it as an invitation to fight.
Your daughter may be the verbal type. She glares at you. Her arms are crossed. She sees it as an attack. She counter-attacks, “You think I don’t study.” “I will clean my room when I’m ready.”
Your daughter may be the silent, passive-aggressive type. She says ok and blows you off. She looks you in the eye and says, “I did study.”
So here you are smack dab in the middle of a power struggle.
Your next move is crucial.
Here is where moms go south.
I have been a therapist for over 20 years but when my daughter turned eleven she turned into a drama queen. She would mouth off to me when she didn’t want to do something and I would react big time. My therapist self was observing my actions saying, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” I ignored that voice and kept going. I had fallen into the drama trap. It doesn’t work.
If you are not intentional your automatic behavior kicks in. You argue back and raise your voice. Something inside you gets hooked and you think to yourself, “I will make you do it.”
You mistake FORCE for real POWER.
Using force may help you win the immediate battle but you lose in the big picture.
- You lose her heart
- Your daughter learns how to use force or she avoids you
- She is not motivated to change
- She is not learning any life lessons
- Because of this you will have to use force again
But there is another way that works. There is a deep power that you can tap into. A power that brings life and everyone wins.
- It is the power of your clarity and intuition.
- It is the power to stay centered no matter what words fly at you.
- It is the power to not react but set effective boundaries.
- It is the power to protect your daughter and yes she needs to be protected.
- It’s the power of love and believing in her.
- It’s the power of prayer.
- It’s the power of knowing there’s hope for you and your daughter.
- It’s the power needed to enjoy your life.
Some of you don’t react by using force. You fall into the paralyzed category. You worry all the time and feel paralyzed by your daughter’s words and actions. You give up. You feel completely powerless.
You too can step into this POWER.
You really can Power Your Parenting. The beginning of October I am offering my Power Your Parenting program. I teach and guide you for 7 weeks how to utilize this kind of power in your parenting. It takes time to break old habits that’s why you will be supported every day for those 7 weeks. This is limited to a small group of moms. If you are interested, click here. colleen@poweryourparenting.com and I will send you some info and we can talk.
Best to you,
Colleen