4 Ways to Help Moms Stay Centered and Calm Through the End of School

4 Ways to Help Moms Stay Centered and Calm Through the End of School

Mothers tend to be a little dazed and confused at this time of year. The last couple of weeks of school can be very stressful and extremely busy.

Kids are dreaming about the summer. They are planning trips to the pool, beach or lake house. They can’t wait to sleep in and do nothing. They are thinking about everything but doing the hard work of papers, projects and exams.

You want your daughter to finish strong and do her best and your daughter wants to go to her happy summer place. She’s day dreaming about going to the beach with her friends and chilling out.

This is a huge set up for conflict. Your daughter is going to protest about getting her work done. She probably will have a few meltdowns and drama fits. If you are not intentional you will get hooked into her drama.

4 ways to help you stay centered and calm through the end of school

1. Breathing room

Recently I got back from my annual mammogram. It is a crazy thing that women have to go through. You know what I am talking about.

This precious part of us which gave milk to our babies gets placed between 2 cold steel metal plates. The technician starts compressing the metal plates and you FEEL the pressure. You think “OK this is really uncomfortable.” And then it gets worse. The technician cranks down one more time on your precious body part until you are blue in the face. Then she says in this happy voice, “Don’t breathe.” It’s absurd. Right?

I think this is a great metaphor for a stress-filled day. I call this “Mammogram Day.” Just when you think you couldn’t have any more pressure, life presses in. Your precious heart and soul gets compressed. Because you have so much weighing down on you, it feels like you can’t catch your breath. Living this way is absurd. Right? And we have a lot of these days at the end of school.

You can’t be on top of things when you are living this way. You need some breathing room.

* Take 5 minutes in the morning and review your schedule. What are the 3 most important things you want to accomplish today? Remember you are in charge of your schedule. Don’t let your schedule drive you.

* Say no to one thing. Postpone a work project for a couple of weeks. Many deadlines are self imposed. You can always pick it up later in the summer when you have more time.

* Take small breaks in the day. If you feel you are running on pure adrenaline, take a small time out. Take 5 minutes to be still, pray or meditate.

* Do one thing that will nurture your soul. This could be walking, gardening, reading or having lunch with a friend. Make sure you choose something which helps you feel renewed and refreshed. Often we schedule an activity like a manicure and pedicure to make us feel better. Now I’m all for looking good but this does very little for reenergizing us. It can be just one more appointment to cram in our very crowded schedule.

2. Don’t take it personally

Your daughter is going to be stressed about finals and the end of the year projects. She is going to be up late studying and not getting enough sleep.  When you combine her lack of sleep with stress, you are going to get one cranky short-fused girl. If she is not attacking you or other family members, she may choose to avoid you and disappear in her adolescent cave.

If she slams the door, gets mad at you because there is no milk in the refrigerator, and yells, “you are a terrible mother,” it’s about her. If she slams the door and avoids you because she is overwhelmed and stressed out, it’s about her.

Remember it’s not personal. Let this sink in. It will make all the difference in the world.

If you take it personal you will…

* get angry and lash back.

* stress her out more and strain your relationship.

* create a whole new problem.

* obsess and not take effective action.

* Blow it up big and project it into the future. “She is going to fail out of school and end up homeless.”

If you don’t take it personal…

* You will stay clear and keep her on track.

* You’ll know her erratic behavior comes from stress and lack of sleep

* You can help her in practical ways. How can you help her relax and calm down? Help her think through her schedule. How long does she need to study for math? When can she take breaks?

* You can encourage her

3. Set an intention

It’s so easy to be all over your kids this time of year. “You need to be studying,” is our battle cry.

But we can disconnect from ourselves when we are so focused on them.

It starts with you. Who do you want to be in the next few weeks? How do you want to show up with your daughter? You know your daughter is stressed but that doesn’t mean you have to be. You don’t have to yell just because she yells.  You don’t have to react to her drama. You can do it differently. You have a choice.

Be emotionally prepared by setting an intention.

Set an intention for the stressful times of day, like when your daughter comes home from school. “I intend to stay calm. I will be respectful and helpful.” “I intend to be centered, calm and clear.”

Take a few minutes and write out your intention. Write out who you want to be. This is not contingent on how your daughter is behaving.  Intentions help you be proactive and not reactive.

Yes you can give consequences to her bad behavior. But a loud mother lecture (yelling) is not a consequence. It just escalates the stress which is not helpful. She is not receiving any life lesson at this point. Your job is to stay calm and not react if your daughter loses it.

4. Keep the big picture in mind

Your daughter has a hard time anticipating the future because of where she is developmentally. It’s very hard for her to see that in 2 days all her pain will be over and she can relax and play the rest of the summer.

It’s a challenge for us too. It’s hard to see past negative circumstances. When were frustrated with how she is acting we think, “I can’t deal with her one more day. I am so done.”

Keep the big picture in mind.  Your daughter is an amazing person. Right now she is stressed and sleep deprived. This is not an indicator of who she is going to be when she grows up. You just need to get her through the next week or two.

Here is something you can learn from your daughter. You can go to your happy place. What is one thing that you are looking forward to this summer? Take a few minutes and think about yourself by the pool or at the beach. Start enjoying the summer now.

You are almost there. Keep your eye on the prize. 🙂

Colleen

PS I have a new Facebook Page for Power Your Parenting. I would love you to go to my page and “like” it. You will get daily tips and encouragement. Click this link and then click “Like” when you are on my page.

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Colleen-OGrady-Power-Your-Parenting/208671129153909