How Being Thankful Transforms Your Parenting

How Being Thankful Transforms Your Parenting

I remember when my daughter was about three watching her nap in her very pink room. She was sleeping peacefully and looked like an angel. At that moment I was aware of what an amazing gift had been entrusted to me. I felt this overwhelming gratitude for my beautiful daughter.

But there were other moments. The times I didn’t have a moment to myself and constantlyheard, Mommmmmm!!!!!!!

The times I was exhausted from being up in the middle of the night. The times there were meltdowns and defiant attitudes.

As moms we know these moments of amazing joy and thanksgiving, and moments of overwhelm and frustration.

If you are NOT intentional you can lose gratitude for your child. The moments of overwhelm and frustration can trump all the good moments. You literally don’t see the good times or you can’t remember them.

Childbirth is an example of intense pain and amazing joy. After gazillion hours of labor, I remember the nurse bringing my six hour old baby to me at 3am. I will never forget the amazing connection I felt when my baby hugged my arm. In that moment I forgot about the labor, all I could think about was this precious miracle in my arms. It was truly AWEsome!!!

If I had dwelled on the jillion hours of labor, I would have missed this miraculous moment.

When our child gets older we can forget the miracle. It’s so easy to focus on the labor of raising a teenager and miss the blessing.

And when you miss the blessing, you lose your gratitude.

Three reasons you lose your gratitude

1.  You don’t get a break.

If you don’t get a break from parenting you will be exhausted. If you give and give and don’t take care of your heart, you will be frustrated and resentful. At this point you feel your daughter is in the way of your life.

You know how easy it is to blow up when you are wiped out.  She doesn’t get ready on time. Her room is trashed. She forgets about the five page paper due the next day.

Instead of seeing her as a miracle from God, you think she is out to make your life miserable.

Don’t worry If you feel this way you are not a terrible mother. You just need a break.

2. You obsess on what she has done wrong.

I had a client Jane who was frustrated with her daughter Beth because she caught her in a lie. Jane came to me because she found herself obsessing 24/7 on Beth’s lies. Jane spent her time thinking of ways she could catch Beth in the act. She would go through her room, or computer looking for evidence.

Listening to Jane you would have thought Beth was heading to juvenile detention.

This was not the case. Beth was making good grades and had lots of friends. She was good in sports. Parents and teachers loved her.

When Jane obsessed on Beth being a liar, she couldn’t see all her good qualities.

3. You’re stuck in worry and fear.

Often times you are not thankful because you spend all your thoughts worrying about your daughter.

• You worry about her schoolwork.
• You worry about her weight and her eating habits.
• You worry if she is going to turn out like your husband or weird aunt.
• You worry if she has something seriously wrong with her.
• You worry about her friends, or lack of friends
• You worry about how she is going to turn out.

When you worry you torture yourself with made-up stories that haven’t happened. Worry blinds you from beholding your child.

• You can’t enjoy your child when you are worried.

• You miss the little victories like she pulled her grade up in History.
• You miss the funny things she says.
• You don’t see who she really is or who she is becoming.

****DON’T LET IT TAKE A TRAGEDY!

This week I sat with a beautiful mother and father who were utterly devastated. Their oldest son had died unexpectedly two days before. He had just graduated from college and had everything going for him. He had lots of friends and just started a new job.

In complete and utter shock they sat there trying to make sense of this horrible tragedy.

They had a great relationship with their son and had just seen him the previous weekend. Of course these parents would have done anything to have their son back for one moment…..any moment!

If we could see our children through their perspective we would not let a day go past without cherishing our children even if they are being a pain in the behind.

Don’t Miss This Precious Time with your Child!

Or miss the playfulness, uniqueness, mystery, beauty, wisdom, and God potential that live inside your child. Your time with your child is a gift. Don’t miss it. It goes by so quickly.

Here is how you turn it around.

Be intentional about being thankful for your child. This will shift everything.

When you are thankful:

• You see your child from a whole new perspective.
• It shifts your thoughts from worry to peace.
• You won’t be torturing yourself with made up stories that are not true.
• It will help you find a new appreciation for your child.
• You will not only love your daughter but you will genuinely like her.
• You see the big picture. Your child is a work in process.  She is not her mistakes.
• You will enjoy the ordinary moments like hanging out with her after school.
• You will see her potential and therefore be able to genuinely encourage her.

The Challenge

I challenge you to practice being thankful for your daughter this week. Believe me it takes practice. It is way too easy to focus on what they are not doing.

Gratitude * Movement * Delight Exercise

Get a journal and each day write one thing in each category.

Gratitude Think about your daughter today. What are you grateful for? (It can be small.)

Movement Where do you see her trying? Where is she making progress?

Delight What did you enjoy about your daughter today?