“A Woman’s Work is Never Done” Really?

“A Woman’s Work is Never Done” Really?

I am sure you have heard the expression, “A Woman’s Work is Never Done.”

It seems this comes from an old rhymed couplet, “Man may work from sun to sun,
but woman’s work is never done.”

I know this is supposed to be descriptive, giving evidence of how hard women work.

But I have a different take.

Most women and especially mothers believe this message, but is this a message we really want?

Do you really want your work to never be done?

We don’t say a Father’s work is never done. We don’t say our children’s work is never done.

I am not getting down on them. They have the right message. They know there is a time to quit working.

But “A Mother’s Work is Never Done” Really?  I have lived this message.

It’s not working for me.

This phrase will completely drain you of all your energy, so you can’t enjoy the blessings in your life. (Remember when you couldn’t wait to have children. When you’re in this mode, your kids are in the way.)

This is not a sacred text that needs to be obeyed. I call this a Powerless Parenting Message. This is a cultural message that you have inherited from billions of moms before you.

Since I am a woman, mom, therapist and a life coach I know where this message is going to take you.

It’s not helpful to you or anyone in your life. In fact it could kill you.

Here are 5 reasons I refuse to believe, “A Woman’s Work is Never Done.”

1. It leads to pure exhaustion.

If you believe this message you never get to rest or relax. You don’t have time to sit down and read a book because there is always something else you need to do. You drive yourself 24/7. You could be with your daughter or partner and you are thinking, “What else should I be doing?” It implies you never get down time. You don’t get to chill out and just breathe. If your that wound up, it’s hard to sleep.

2. Your life is out of balance

You are all work and no play. Basically there is no time for fun and delight.

You stop taking care of yourself. You start drinking lots of Venti Gingerbread lattes and you don’t have time to exercise. You can’t fit into your jeans and you blame your dog for throwing your jeans in the dryer.

You stop doing things that make you feel like YOU.

You used to care about how you look and now you are wearing the same workout clothes every day (though you are not working out.) You like music and dancing. Your spirituality is important, yet you have neglected that too. You used to play piano.

So you lose touch with YOU and you don’t know what you want anymore.

3. It robs you of the good emotions.

If you are exhausted and out of balance, your emotions are going to be toast. When your work is never done you are STRESSED all the time. The only thing that fluctuates is the degree of stress. Is it a low level stress day or high level stress day? Stress increases Cortisol which is a body chemical that literally decreases your happiness. This is why so many moms have mild depression.

I was with a client last night who is newly married. She has one hour to be with her beloved husband at night before she goes to bed. She told me it is so hard to sit there with her husband because there is so much to do. Unfortunately she is the norm.

So we can be with our loved ones and be preoccupied with all the work that needs to be done. This is a huge setup for anxiety. I am supposed to enjoy my child but I won’t get any work done.

4. You never get to celebrate your accomplishments.

If there is always more to do you never get to celebrate the small victories of your day. You miss that wonderful feeling of completion.

You miss the good moments and the hilarious moments.

You don’t have time to reflect on what you have done or the progress your children have made.

In fact you can’t see much at all but work.

5. No one benefits

When you are exhausted, out of balance, and stressed, you are not much fun to be around. In fact you probably don’t like being around you.

You need a new message!

You need a message which embraces your whole beautiful self.

Imagine you wake up and you are centered. You are at peace and feel connected to God. You order your day and have realistic expectations of what you can get done. You know you are going to be interrupted by your kids and you embrace the spontaneous moments. You really like hanging out with your kids.

You don’t have time to make dinner so you get some healthy take-out food and enjoy the fellowship with your family. After dinner you know your work is done for the day. You get to relax and feel good about what you accomplished. You have time to be with your partner, read a book, or do some creative writing. You fall asleep grateful for all the blessings in your life.