All Mothered Out: Here are 5 things that can help!

All Mothered Out: Here are 5 things that can help!

Are you All Mothered Out?

Don’t worry you are not alone. This happens to all moms. It is something moms aren’t proud of. It is not what you announce at the PTO meeting.

Somehow we have been given this message that good mothers never get Mothered Out. There’s this crazy expectation that mothers are a never ending fountain of love, joy, nurturing, and provision.

Let me break it to you gently. This is a big 10 story lie.

The only person who fits that description is God.

Your fountain dries up as a mother. This is normal. It’s not a bad or shameful thing. The reason it is dry is because you have poured out wonderful things to your children.

Mothering is draining. (I know you are shocked.)

Diapers, ear and tummy aches, baths, picking up, cooking, working, picking up, getting them to bed, screaming fits, making lunches, homework, last minute projects, attitudes, shuttling your kids all over town and picking up…then repeat!

You sound jaded. This is a really depressing look at parenting. What about those wonderful moments with your children?  My children are the biggest gift in my life.

Absolutely this is true and here is my point. When you are All Mothered Out you lose your ability to appreciate the gift of your children and delight in them. If you continue from this place you won’t like your kids and they won’t like you.

It is crucial to take time to fill back up, when you are All Mothered Out.

Simple?

Unfortunately it’s not so simple. Mothers are given disempowering messages like; you are supposed to care for everyone else first before you care for yourself. But your time never comes.

We need NEW messages. (This is why I created Power Your Parenting:  A 7 Week Program to Help Mothers Thrive with Their Teenage Daughters.) Mothers need life giving empowering messages.

You win and your family wins when you take care of yourself.

5 things that  help when You are All Mothered Out

1. You need a Time Out

If you say things like; I can’t remember if I’ve eaten today. I haven’t sat down all day. I’ve got to stay up till one in the morning to get everything done. I don’t have time to exercise. I don’t have time to shower.

YOU NEED a time out!

Your child may not be thrilled with time out but you can be.

Think about it this way. If your child is 3, she spends 3 minutes in time out. How old are you? Then spend “your age” in time out.  You are not confined to your chair unless you want to be. This is guilt-free time that you care for yourself and no one else.

You can’t skip the basics of sleep, rest, exercise, and eating healthy. You know what your child is like if they are hungry or tired. They get difficult. You aren’t any different.

2. Detach from the struggle.

When we are all mothered out, it is really hard to pull away from the struggle, so we obsess.

I can’t believe she talked to me that way. I can’t believe she did that.

Then we blow it up big in our minds

What is she going to be like when she is a teenager? If he lied to me about that what else is he lying about? I am the worst parent ever.

At this point you are dynamite and when your child offers you a little spark there is a big blow up.

Take a vacation from the struggle. Your kid could be 3 or 12, it doesn’t matter. You need a break.

Obsessing isn’t going to fix it. Your mind is fried. Let it rest.

Take an afternoon off, or a couple of hours off. Get out of the house. Go shopping. Take a walk. Read a book. Do anything that will take your mind off of it.

Warning:  Calling a friend and complaining about your child is just another sneaky way of obsessing about it.

3.  Dance

Why not?  (Or do something else that is not mothery.)

Recently I took some salsa lessons. When the salsa music started to play I was transported to a happy zone. It took all my attention to follow the steps and I was completely in the moment. I was one hot salsa mama (ok I’m exaggerating a little bit) and not just MOMMMMMM.

We are moms and we have lots of other wonderful sides to us. We have creative, playful, romantic, spiritual, and intellectual sides to us. When you are All Mothered Out, try doing something that brings out another side of you, and you can have some fun in the process.

4. Delight

One of the first things you lose when you are All Mothered Out is delight. You feel like a mother machine and life becomes flat.

Take a few minutes and write down 5 things that you delight in. It could be a cooking, gardening, hanging out with friends, walking at the beach, listening to music or playing with your dog. It doesn’t have to be a big thing it can be very simple. What is important is that it brings delight to you.

When you rediscover delight in one area of your life, it helps you see all the blessings in your life, including your children.

5. Nurture your soul

Your soul gets buried under a pile of exhaustion and to-dos when you are All Mothered Out.

Give yourself the gift of quiet time.

Pour it out

You need a place to pour out your resentments, complaints, disappointments, anger, and irritations. (Your friends, children, partner, dog and cat will appreciate this.)

Try writing for 20 minutes everything that is bothering you. This is not going to be pretty. You don’t want to show this to anyone. This is just for you to get all your feelings out. Don’t leave it on the coffee table. Tear it up and throw it away.

Pour in

This is where you connect to the deeper and truest part of you. This is a time to renew your mind and heart through quiet, prayer, and inspirational readings. A time of reflection can help you see yourself and others in a new compassionate way. Are you in alignment with your values and Spirit?

Try taking 5 minutes a day to be still and listen. Set a timer. You can use an i-phone or an egg timer it doesn’t matter. Give up some obsessing time and trade it in for the gift of quiet time.