Why You Daughter’s Clarity Trumps Mother Fog Every Time
What is Mother Fog?
Mother Fog is when there are so many things going on at one time that you can’t think clearly. This happens all the time with mothers.
It’s like your mind is covered with a thick, soupy, dense fog, and your thoughts, feelings, decisions, and actions are unfocused.
When you are in Mother Fog you’re at a disadvantage.
Your daughter has the upper hand because she is crystal clear about what she wants. She is clear about…
- What she wants to do on the weekend.
- The kind of clothes she wants.
- What she and her boyfriend can do together.
- How late she wants to stay out.
- How she spends her time.
Clarity trumps fog every time.
What your daughter is not clear about is what is important to you.
She feigns being foggy about when her assignments are due, when she has homework, or when she has chores to do.
Mother Fog opens the door to drama. Here’s why.
Your daughter knows when you’re in Mother Fog and will try to take advantage to do what she wants. She has an arsenal of tactics to get you to see things her way.
She will use forceful tactics and . . .
- Argue with you. “Why won’t you let me go to the party?”
- Throw a drama fit. She will, slam doors, yell and scream, follow you around the house, and badger you to let her go. “Seriously, MOM, I have to go to this party.”
- Shame and belittle you. “Mom you’re such a loser. Just because you don’t have a social life doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t.”
- Threaten you. “If you don’t let me go to the party, then fine, I won’t go to school. I don’t care anymore.”
- Punish you. She will let you know she is unhappy. “I hope you’re happy. You’ve ruined my life.”
- Withhold her attention. She’ll avoid you, hide in her room, and if you ask her a question she will give you one-word answers. “Fine.”
She will use “logical” tactics and . . .
- Use comparison. “Every other mom is letting my friends go to the party but me. Even dad thinks it’s fine.”
- Prosecute you. “Give me one good reason why I can’t go to the party.”
- Be reasonable. “I know you don’t want me at a party without adults supervising, but John (her 20-year-old brother) and his friends will be there.”
- Manipulate you. “No one likes me but Beth. If I don’t go, then Beth won’t be my friend and I won’t have any friends. If you cared about me you’d let me go.”
If when all else fails, she will pull out the nice tactics and . . .
- Be complimentary or helpful. “Hi mom, have you lost weight? By the way, I cleaned the kitchen. Can I go to the party?”
- Bargain. “I’ll clean the bathroom and do the dishes if you’ll let me go to the party.”
When you are in Mother Fog, your daughter’s tactics can wear you down. Because you don’t have any reserves, you are more prone to give in. You just want the drama to go away. But if you give into your daughter’s tactics, she will keep using them because they work.
The good news is that when you are clear-headed, your daughter’s tactics won’t work on you. Your clarity empowers you and eliminates a boatload of senseless drama.